Why wouldn’t the princess kiss the talking frog? Because talking frogs are a lot more valuable than princes. Taylor: Can you come in and fix dinner? Mike: Why, is it broken? Dogcatcher: Does your dog have a license? Tony: Why, was he driving? Where would a carpenter get his education? Boarding school. William: I’ve discovered how to turn an elephant into a bug. Jonathan: How’s that? William: Take away the…
Why did the lion cross the road? To get to the other pride Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ken. Ken who? Ken I come in now? Zachary: What’s the hardest thing about being tackled? Chris: The ground. Samantha: I keep thinking today is my birthday. Brianna: Today is your birthday. Samantha: I know. That’s why I keep thinking it. Why did the goat eat a lamp? It’s on a light diet.…
Ryan: I think the cat was eating lemons. Megan: Why is that? Ryan: It’s such a sour puss. How do oceans greet each other? They wave. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Denise. Denise who? The knees are connected to the leg bones. Is it best to play ice hockey on a full stomach or an empty stomach? It’s best to play ice hockey on a rink. A truckload of peanuts and…
Amanda: How do dogs talk to each other on the internet? Tyler: By flea mail. David: I heard that shrimp, crabs and clams don’t like to share. Joe: Who told you that? David: My mom. She said they are all shellfish. What do you call a robot who plays in the rain? Rusty. Why was Cinderella such a bad basketball player? She had a pumpkin for a coach. Nicole: Are…
Jake: What do you call a dog that plays the guitar? Amber: A rocker spaniel Why can fish always weigh themselves? Because they always have scales. How do biologists communicate? Cell phones Tony: I hiked through the swamp yesterday and now my skin has bumps from biting flies. Dave: Then you should quit biting flies. Justin: If you bought five cupcakes for five cents, what would each one be? Matthew:…
How would you fix a broken bird? With duck tape Lauren: Why did the robber go to the pizza parlor? Tyler: I give up. Lauren: He needed the dough. Why was the centipede late for work? It takes her so long to pick out all of her shoes. What do monsters wear while playing outside? Sunscream The pilot of a crashing plane asked, “Does anyone here pray?” One woman said,…
Brianna: When don’t turkeys and chickens get along? Jennifer: When they are in a fowl mood. What did the painting tell the judge? I was framed. James: Can you spell cabbage? Taylor: C-A-A-G-E James: What happened to the B’s? Taylor: They flew away. Did you hear about the porcupines that fell in love? They were stuck on each other. Customer: There’s a toad in my soup. Cook: That’s one of…
What do bird comedians do? They crack yolks. Mike: That pig is pretty dull. Kyle: Pretty dull? Mike: Yes. He’s actually a boar. Why can’t the horse committee get anything done? They vote nay on everything. Knock, knock Who’s there? Wilma Wilma who? Wilma dad be here soon? Jonathan: What’s that fly doing in my alphabet soup? Zachary: Trying to learn to read. What do you call a dinosaur that…
Park Ranger: This is a dogwood tree. City Slicker: How can you tell? Park Ranger: By its bark. Gina: What kind of dog is that? Junior: She’s a genuine police dog. Gina: I’ve never seen a police dog that looked like that. Junior: Sshh! She’s working undercover. A fisherman carrying a big fish was walking down the street. A passerby asked, “Where are you going with that fish?” The fisherman…
Traveler: Do you eat spare ribs with your fingers? Cannibal: No, I eat fingers later. Why don’t skeletons have problems with their budgets? Because they don’t have to worry about the cost of living. Liz: I taught my dog how to play chess. Glen: He must be pretty smart. Liz: Not really. I win most of the time. Madison: Can I have an extra large banana split with double syrup…