Brianna: When don’t turkeys and chickens get along?
Jennifer: When they are in a fowl mood.
What did the painting tell the judge?
I was framed.
James: Can you spell cabbage?
James: What happened to the B’s?
Taylor: They flew away.
Did you hear about the porcupines that fell in love?
They were stuck on each other.
Customer: There’s a toad in my soup.
Cook: That’s one of the waiters. The last customer was an unhappy witch.
Josh: When I was little, the babysitter dropped me a lot.
John: What did your parents do?
Josh: They hired a shorter babysitter.
News Reporter: How do you explain being 102 years old?
Old Timer: I was born a long time ago.
Reporter: How do you answer people who say crime doesn’t pay?
Criminal: I tell them the hours are good.
Farmer: I won’t allow any fishing in my pond.
City Slicker: I wasn’t fishing. I was washing a worm.
Why do tigers live in the jungle?
Because they can’t afford apartments.
Where do spiders get their news?
On the web
Why do skeletons play the piano?
They don’t have any organs.
Nicole: What’s the snail doing on the freeway?
Alyssa: About a quarter mile an hour
What did Snow White serve the seven dwarves for dessert?
Megan: Yesterday I sang in front of the Queen of England.
Rachel: Are you serious?
Megan: That’s what she told me. She said, “If you’re a singer, I’m the
Queen of England.”
What do cannibals order when they go to a restaurant?
A kid was bragging one day,
“I first recited the Gettysburg Address when I was twelve years old.
Lincoln didn’t recite it until he was fifty.”
Ryan: I think I swallowed a fish bone.
Nicholas: Are you choking?
Ryan: No, I’m serious.
Amanda: When did you take up skydiving?
Morgan: When the planes engine conked out.
Teacher: Did you have problems with the exam questions?
Brandon: No, but I had a lot of problems with the answers.
Langdon: I broke my left leg in two places.
Sarah: I wouldn’t go back to those two places again.
How long did Moses live?
All of his life