Why did the lion cross the road?
To get to the other pride
Ken I come in now?
Zachary: What’s the hardest thing about being tackled?
Chris: The ground.
Samantha: I keep thinking today is my birthday.
Brianna: Today is your birthday.
Samantha: I know. That’s why I keep thinking it.
Why did the goat eat a lamp?
It’s on a light diet.
Old Timer: We were mighty poor when I was a kid.
Young’un: How poor were you?
Old Timer: The only thing that kept our house from falling down was that
the termites held hands.
How do fish improve their appearance?
They visit a plastic sturgeon.
John: I’d like to open a joint bank account.
Bank Manager: Who would you like to open it with?
John: Any millionaire.
Why don’t pine forests get cold in the winter?
They have plenty of fir.
What kind of dog does Dracula own?
How do you save a hippo from drowning in soup?
Throw in a cracker.
What’s the best way to avoid dandruff?
First Astronaut: Let’s go to the moon for lunch today.
Second Astronaut: I’d rather not. The food is all right but the place has no
Ashley: Which is farther away, the sun or the Atlantic Ocean?
Amber: The Atlantic Ocean. I can see the sun, but I can’t see the Atlantic Ocean.
Jacob: I was born in Texas.
Emily: What part?
Jacob: All of me.
Robot One: How’s the romance novel?
Robot Two: Typical. Girl meets boy, girl loses boy, girl builds another boy.
Why didn’t six play with seven?
Because seven ate nine.
What is a pig’s favorite holiday?
Old Timer: My teeth are like stars.
Young’un: Because they sparkle?
Old Timer: No, because they come out at night.
Where would you see hot dogs dancing?
At the meatball.
Why don’t you ever see hamburgers starring in movies?
They don’t like the rolls they are offered.
Kid Cannibal: My stomach feels funny.
Dad Cannibal: I told you not to eat the comedian.