Jokes Volume 9

Amanda: How do dogs talk to each other on the internet?
Tyler: By flea mail.


David: I heard that shrimp, crabs and clams don’t like to share.
Joe: Who told you that?
David: My mom. She said they are all shellfish.


What do you call a robot who plays in the rain?
Rusty.


Why was Cinderella such a bad basketball player?
She had a pumpkin for a coach.


Nicole: Are you superstitious?
Jennifer: No way! It’s bad luck to be superstitious.


Justin: Will the orchestra play what I ask them to?
Bill: Of course.
Justin: Ask them to play tennis.


Matt: We should have brought the kitchen table to the train station with us.
Emily: Why?
Matt: Because that’s where I left our tickets.


Do you know that you are wearing one purple sock and one green sock?
Yes, I have another pair at home just like them.


Why do fireflies do well in school?
They’re very bright.


Morgan: It is bad luck to see a black cat?
Nicholas: Only if you’re a mouse!


What would you call a really smart pig?
An Einswine.


If baseball players get athlete’s foot, what do Santa’s elves get?
Mistletoe.


What car does a comedian drive?
A jokeswagon.


When might you get arrested if you drive too slowly?
After you rob a bank.


Carlos: Did you hear about the funeral at the pond?
José: No, what happened?
Carlos: The frog croaked.


Customer: There are no clams in my clam chowder.
Cook: There are also no horses in the horseradish.


How do you keep the three bears out of their house?
Goldilocks.


What do George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King have in common?
They were all born on holidays.


What do you get when an elephant sneezes?
Out of the way.


How do you put the toes on a ventriloquist’s dummy?
With toe nails.


Tortoise: You look good today. What did you do?
Rabbit: I got a hare cut.


What did the oak tree say to the maple tree?
Sometimes you can be a sap.