Jokes Volume 5

What do bird comedians do?
They crack yolks.

Mike: That pig is pretty dull.
Kyle: Pretty dull?
Mike: Yes. He’s actually a boar.

Why can’t the horse committee get anything done?
They vote nay on everything.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Wilma who?
Wilma dad be here soon?

Jonathan: What’s that fly doing in my alphabet soup?
Zachary: Trying to learn to read.

What do you call a dinosaur that is always on time?

Joe: I have enough to pay for my dinner but not enough to leave a tip.
Waitress: I better add up that check again.

Kayla: Why are you staring at that leash?
Emily: I’m not sure if I found a leash or lost a dog.

Diner: There’s a dead bug in my soup.
Waiter: That happens a lot. They’re not very good swimmers.

Did you hear what happened when the fly robbed the bank?
They called out the swat team.

What do you call a small bird that picks a fight with an eagle?
A black and blue jay

Did you hear about the cannibal who had a friend over for lunch?

Where would you find a hat in a cemetery?
On a headstone

What steps should you take if you meet a tiger in the jungle?
The fastest ones possible

What do termites eat when they go to a restaurant?
The table

Madison: I’m on a pretty strict diet.
Dave: How strict?
Madison: I can eat all the Swiss cheese I want, but I can only eat the holes.

Jacob: Have you seen my duckway?
Dan: What’s a duckway?
Jacob: About five pounds

Justin: What did the doctor say when you told him about your poor memory?
Matt: He said I would have to pay him in advance.

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
To hide in apple trees

Sign in doctor’s office:
If you eat too many sweets, you will need two seats.

Johnny: Bring me a potfor.
Andrew: What’s a potfor?
Johnny: To cook things

Why do geese fly south for the winter?
They don’t have cars.