Jokes Volume 8

Jake: What do you call a dog that plays the guitar?
Amber: A rocker spaniel


Why can fish always weigh themselves?
Because they always have scales.


How do biologists communicate?
Cell phones


Tony: I hiked through the swamp yesterday and now my skin has bumps
from biting flies.
Dave: Then you should quit biting flies.


Justin: If you bought five cupcakes for five cents, what would each one be?
Matthew: Stale


Naval officer: Do you know how to swim?
Jasmin: Why, did you run out of ships?


Doctor: How much do you charge per hour?
Plumber: $150.00
Doctor: $150.00 an hour? I don’t make that much as a doctor.
Plumber: Neither did I when I was a doctor.


William: My brother started his new job yesterday as the person they shoot out of a cannon at the circus.
Kayla: How does he like the job?
William: No one knows. We haven’t found him yet.


Rachel: If the cable breaks on this elevator, will we go up or down?
Nun: That depends on what kind of life you’ve led.


What happens if the cat eats yarn?
She will have mittens.


What did the skunk promise when he was elected sheriff?
To protect law and odor


What did the duck say when she bought lip gloss?
Just put it on my bill


What has three wheels and a horn and weighs a ton?
A rhino on a tricycle


Where do aliens go to get cleaned up?
The meteor showers


Andy: I was playing my harmonica and I swallowed it. What should I do?
Doctor: Don’t play the tuba.


Grandpa: When I was your age, I could name all the presidents in order.
John: When you were my age, there weren’t that many presidents.


Mama Tiger: What are you doing?
Tiger cub: I’m chasing a tourist through the jungle.
Mama Tiger: I told you not to play with your food.


Did you hear about the cross-eyed principal?
He had no control over his pupils.


Alexis: Every time I eat chili, I get heartburn.
Nicole: What did you expect, sunburn?


What planet can you see in Orlando, Florida?
Pluto


A turtle was mugged by two snails. He explained to the police officer:
“I can’t give you any details. It all happened too fast.”


What do you catch with peanut butter?
Jellyfish