Gina: I haven’t felt right since eating clams yesterday.
Doctor: Did they look okay when you opened the shells?
Gina: You’re supposed to open the shells?
Why do skeletons do so well on tests?
They always bone up on their studies.
Carol: Do you carry pianos?
Music Store Clerk: Not any more. I have a bad back.
Jose: I’ve been seeing spots lately.
Carlos: Have you seen an eye doctor?
Jose: No, just spots.
Young’un: Why do you put your hand in front of your
mouth every time you sneeze?
Old Timer: To catch my teeth.
Why aren’t ghosts very good liars?
Because you can see right through them.
David: Any idea where I can find my notebook?
Ashley: It’s probably where you lost it.
Kaitlyn: What letter is at the end of everything?
Mr. Harris: Why aren’t you ready for school yet?
Mrs. Harris: I don’t want to go to school. Nobody likes me.
Mr. Harris: You have to go. You’re the principal.
Ethan: My new boots are killing me.
Michael: That’s because you have them on the wrong feet.
Ethan: These are the only feet I have.
Boy skunk: Can I get a chemistry set for Christmas?
Dad skunk: Don’t you think that will smell up the house?
Missy: Stop acting like a nitwit.
Laurence: I’m not acting.
Emily: It’s a good thing you named me Emily.
Dad: What makes you say that?
Emily: Because that’s what everybody calls me.
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the junior prom?
He had no body to dance with.
Why did the goat eat the lamp?
He was in the mood for a light snack.
Why does the vampire need mouthwash?
He has bat breath.
Jana: I don’t think I can leave you.
Bruce: Do you care for me that much?
Jana: Not really, you’re standing on my foot.
Jane: What would you say if I told you that you are late for school again?
Sarah: I would tell you that I’m really early for tomorrow.
Stevie: Dad! Justin got the TV all wet.
Dad: How did he do that?
Stevie: I threw a water balloon at him and he ducked.
What goes step, step, step, ouch?
Hanan backing into a cactus.
Joshua: Why are you using a shovel to dig for gold in the backyard?
Samantha: Because a spoon would take too long.
What has four legs, spots, and a trunk?
A leopard going on vacation.
Montana Mark: What is soft, and furry, and found between a wolf’s teeth?
Wilderness Mary: You tell me
Montana Mark: A slow rabbit.
What’s the favorite item at the haunted salad bar?
Boo cheese dressing.
Christina: How did you break your leg?
David: I was raking leaves.
Christina: How did you break your leg raking leaves?
David: I fell out of the tree.
What is the most popular breakfast in the haunted house?
Scream of Wheat.
What language are they studying in the barnyard?
Which side of a snake has the most scales?
Liam: Did you hear the sword swallower lost his job?
Clare: No, what happened?
Liam: He had a coughing fit and stabbed six people.
Why was the belt arrested?
Because it held up a pair of pants.